Mouse vs Stunner vs Trap

Friday, March 5, 2010

I have been having mouse invasions now and then in my apartment. I have eradicated the vicious mouse on each occasion, however I noticed several days ago that one has trespassed in my apartment once again. I came into the kitchen to make my self some breakfast when i came face to face with the evil rodent, who quickly went into hiding. But he was sure to make his vile intent evident by the loads of feces that he left on my counter and in my dish drain. Such blatant disrespect and a clear display for his lack of regard for human kind!

But it will not end this way, as I went to the supermarket the same day and bought several glue mouse trap. However, the evil varmint has not showed his face since!

I just hope he doesn't find any of this damn cheese!

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Michael Jackson and the Repo Guys!

Friday, January 8, 2010

If your weekend isn't that wonderful so far, this is certainly going to put you in a better mood! This is a clip from one of the episodes of Operation Repo on truTV. I never knew this show could have been so funny.

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Remains of AA flight 331 Under Threat!

Friday, December 25, 2009

By now everyone should have heard about the American Airlines flight 331, which crashed at the Norman Manley International Airport in Kingston Jamaica earlier this week. Thank God there were no fatalities in this accident and most of the passengers only received a few bumps and bruises. The Gleaner reports that after investigations are completed and the recoverable equipment are removed, the plan is likely to find its way into Jamaica's thriving scrap metal business. That would have been sooner than later if it was not for the security forces guarding the site thus preventing the plane to suffer the fate of the ship wreck only a few meters down the beach from the plane. But the wanton thirst of the scrap metal people is not the only thing investigators and the security forces have to worry about! What else would threaten the remains of this ill-fated plane?

L.A. LEWIS of course!!!

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The Miserable Landlord

Friday, September 4, 2009

This is one of the reasons i try my utmost best not to live anywhere where I have to share with my landlord, especially when the landlord is elderly!



Enjoy your weekend!

PS. The back pon the rock and in the heat!

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Million Dollar Mattress!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Yes you read the title of this post correct! The owner of the mattress didn't fork out one million dollars to buy it, but at the time it certainly valued one million dollars! As the saying goes, "The fool and his money are soon parted". According to the report, an Israeli woman decided to treat her mother to a new mattress, seeing that her mother has been sleeping on the same old tattered mattress for years. So in a bid to surprise her mother with this new gift, she bought a brand new mattress and threw out the old mattress. Little did she know that her mother had been hording her life savings in her old shabby mattress, approximately one million dollars in savings! Surprise! By the time all this was revealed, the mattress was no where to be found as it seems the garbage disposal truck had already done its rounds.

Now when I heard this news I couldn't help laughing! Something in the far back of my mind was saying I should be sorry for this old lady, but I find it hard to be. In this day and age, this lady is still storing money in her mattress! What, hasn't she heard about a bank, or or other investment options? I understand she is old, but come one, one person can be so daft to have not ten thousand, not one hundred thousand, not two hundred thousand, but one million ratid dollars in her mattress! I know banks and investments are somewhat unstable these days, but having money in your mattress is not better off. If a fire broke out in that house all the money would be up in smoke! If there was an earthquake all of that would be covered in the roubles! And if the mattress got thrown out... wait, yeah, see the mattress got thrown out with all that hard earned life savings!

The family, with the aid of the authorities have launched a massive search for the missing cash at the city dumps. However, they are not alone, as a large throng of concerned... yes concerned for themselves... citizens have joined in to find the million dollar mattress to increase their own wealth. According to the report the family is yet to find the missing mattress and I am sure by now some lucky bastard is a million dollar richer.

Moral of the story: Invest your money wisely and don't keep your money in, or under your mattress... especially one million dollars!

Source: http://edition.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/meast/06/10/israel.mattress.money/index.html

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Pum Pum Tightner!

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Only in Jamaica you will find a sign like this prominently posted in the window is a store. This photo was shot at a store in Downtown Kingston. I got it in an email from one of my coworkers and couldn't resist sharing it with you.

As you look at this picture, also note that there is a very extensive assortment of bleaching (skin lightening) products well displayed in the window. Also, if the cash flow is low, have no fear, they accept credit cards as shown by the very prominent Visa sign pasted on the window.

Now I have a few questions. Would a woman really go into a store and ask for some "Pum Pum Tightener? Does she just go and ask for it like any ordinary product, or does she whisper over the counter to the salesperson? What does that say about the woman's private that purchases this stuff?

I can just see it now...

Woman [whispering softly]: Gimmi one a di 200 pack Pum Pum Tightner nuh?

Cashier [speaking at the top of her voice]: Wah yuh seh?

Woman [whispering a little louder]: Gimmi one a di 200 pack Pum Pum Tightner.

Cashier [speaking at the top of her voice]: Oh, a dat yuh want!

Cashier [shouting to another attendant]: Carry one pack a di 200 pack Pum Pum Tightner fi a woman yah!

Enjoy your weekend peeps!

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No, Kanye Et Al, That is Not Fashion!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Ok, maybe I'm not that much a fashionable person and I am definitely not a fashion guru. But hell no, Kanye West and your misguided cronies, that is not fashion! To me these guys look more like clowns or homeless people who just grabbed anything in their path and threw them on. And what's up with the weird colour briefcases and man purse. Are they so important that they have to carry a bag on their person? What the hell is in there by the way, clothes, important business papers, top secret documents? My guess, based on their outfits is that they are carrying makeup! Yes makeup! I wonder what FOS has to say about these outfits? As far as I am concerned, they look awful... totally cross dressing, uncoordinated, mind blowing awful! That is not fashion!

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When I Grow Up...

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

This was submitted as part of a career day homework:



Here's the reply the teacher received the following day:

Dear Mrs. Jones,

I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer. I work at Home Depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out every single shovel we had, and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it. Her picture doesn't show me dancing around a pole. It's supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at Home Depot. From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Smith

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Only In Jamaica...

Thursday, February 5, 2009

... you find signs as comical as these. One good thing though is that they are thinking about conserving and protecting our environment... well at least the spring. I saw this sign late last year when I went to Winnifred's Beach in Portland. I just could not resist taking a photo of tit.

It's another Friday and the beginning of another weekend, and it is shaping up to be a cold weekend. the temperature started to fall from Wednesday and it was certainly cold when I was heading home from work at midnight! It seems another cold front has found its way into our vicinity bringing the much cooler temperatures to our tropical island. So if the cold front lingers then I guess you need to grab a sweater if you are going out in the nights this weekend.

Oh, I almost forgot, if you haven't noticed already, I now have my own favicon for Stunner's Afflictions. If you use Blogger, then you can go to this free site, generate a favicon and then they provide you a link to where the can host your favicon for free. Blogger does not allow you to upload the .ico flie extension so you would have to link to the favicon hosted elsewhere. So the site I recommended comes in very handy.

Whether you are warm or cold have yourself a great weekend my peeps!

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Just for Smiles!

Monday, October 13, 2008

I haven't posted a joke or two in a while, and especially in these trying times we need to put a smile on our faces as hard as it is. So this is for you:

Ethel

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors.

Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic the other
residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined in.

One day Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky
Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. 'STOP!' he shouted in a firm voice. 'Have you got a license for that thing?' Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. 'OK' he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.

As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted 'STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?' Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said 'On your way, Ma'am.'

As Ethel neared the final corridor, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her,Butt- Naked, and holding his 'You-Know-What' in his hand. 'Oh, good grief,' yelled Ethel, 'Not that Damn Breathalyzer Test again!'

The Wedding Night



Fred and Mary get married but couldn't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's house for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet. She replies, 'No'. Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?' His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school.'

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are Fred and Mary up yet?' She replies, 'No.' Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?' His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school .'

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, 'Are Fred and Mary are up yet?' His mom says, 'No.' He asks, 'Do you know what I think?' His mom replies, 'Ok, now tell me what you think.' He says, 'Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think... I gave him my airplane glue.'

Hope that made you smile and made your week a little better.

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Usain Bolt Celebrates Early ... Very Early

Sunday, August 24, 2008

My coworker emailed this video to me today, which is a comical remake of Usain Bolt's 100 meter Olympic record. I found it quite funny, even they are poking fun at Bolt. But I guess we have to have laugh sometimes even of such great moments. Hope you like it.

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Midweek Perk!

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Well if your week has been getting to you like mine has, then you need something to perk up your pressuring, stressful week. So this is for you my Blogging peeps...

Read this...
A young Jamaican University graduate applied for an engineering position
at a Kingston based firm. A Trini Engineer also applied for the job, and
both applicants, since they had the same qualifications on paper, were
asked by the Department Manager to take a test.

Upon completion of the test, the manager went to the Jamaican and said,
"Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the man from
Trinidad the job."

The Jamaican asked, "Suh why yu do dat? Bote a wi get nine questions
rite. And dis is Jamaica,and me is Jamaican, so a me shoulda get de wuk!"

The manager said, "We have made our decision, based not on the correct
answers, but rather on the question that you both missed."

The Jamaican asked, "An how in the name of Jesus yu decide sey one wrong
answer betta dan de adda ?"

The manager replied, "Simple. The Trini put down "'I don't know" for
question 5, and you put "Me nuh know either".

A lilly sup'm supm' fi yuh watch...



Now a little activity for you...

You Are 64% Healthy

Your diet is quite healthy, but you don't too crazy with what you eat. You know how to eat what's good for you, but you're also careful not to deprive yourself.

How Healthy Is Your Diet?

Now who seh Papa Stunner nuh tek care a unuh? Hope that brightened up your week!

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Cheating Must Be Based On Trust

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

That's why they say, 'Cheating must be based on trust',
A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a resounding noise came from outside...

The woman, sort of bewildered, jumps up from the bed and yells at the man,
Shit! That must be my husband! So the guy quickly got out of bed, scared and naked.

He jumped out the window like a crazy man, smashed himself on the ground, went through a thorn bush, And then he stood up and started to run fast to his car. Just a few minutes later he returns and tells the woman I'm your husband, you slut!!!

So the woman answers: Oh, yeah!! And why were you running? You son of a bitch!

Just wanted to lighten up your day!!!

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They Call Him Lil Superstar

Monday, February 11, 2008

Ok this video is funny!





Ok I have no idea what the hell they were saying at the end of the video. But I guess Lil Superstar was busting a move fi some a di high grade!

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Hectic Weekend at River Bottom

Monday, February 4, 2008

I had a pretty hectic and eventful weekend which took me as far as Montego Bay. On Friday I drove the south coast to Montego Bay as I had to make a pickup and then it was off to Montego Bay, but I drove through New Market which only took about an hour and a half, compared to the almost 3 hours if I drove the Negril route. The road was winding, but it was good! I don't mind the winding road as it adds some thrill to the driving, shotting it while hugging the corners over the hills and valleys without the fear of potholes. I attended a little party in Montego Bay and by the next day it was time to head back, however, even though I decided to drive back the New Market Route, I somehow took a wrong turn and ended up on some serious country road! Lost nuh ratid! But after driving on roads barely wide enough for my car, roads with craters and precipice on one side, over hills and valleys and through no ends of green bush and stopping to ask directions of trustworthy looking persons (old people), I finally made it to Santa Cruz, where I attended another little party. Then it was time for the long night drive back to Kingston.

On Sunday night I went to watch the talked about and always booked play, River Bottom. I have been trying to get tickets to watch this play for some time, but was told it was sold out every time. However I managed to get ticket for the 8:00pm show on Sunday from about Tuesday. Although the tickets cost $1000 per person, it was worth the money, as it had all the patrons laughing from the start to the finish. The comedy's cast boast some of Jamaica's biggest names in theatre including Oliver Samuels and Glen Campbell and is written by the gifted Trevor Brown. The setting of the comedy River Bottom is based on a fictional poor deep rural community (which fits in quite well with my adventure the previous day) called River bottom with no running water or electricity, except for one resident who is their Member of Parliament (MP), religious leader, so-called healer and prophet called Cappo, played by Oliver Samuels. I would tell you more about the play, but that would just spoil the fun for you. So if you haven't seen it as yet than you should! River Bottom guarantees a bellyfull of almost nonstop laughter and never a dull moment. It is playing at the Centre Stage Theatre in New Kingston.

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Night Shot from Around the World

Monday, January 14, 2008

Night pictures of famous places from around the world taken on January 9, 2008 by various professional photographers in their respective countries.

London

Denver

Petersburg

Paris

Niagara Falls

Las Vegas

Moscow
Washington DC
Singapore
JAMAICASorry, No electricity at the moment!!!

I think all my fellow Jamaican bloggers can relate to this! I got it in my email and just had to share it!

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Weekend Recap

Sunday, January 6, 2008

I hope you all had a great weekend! Mine was pretty OK, as I had the entire weekend off. It's a rare occasion when I actually get an entire weekend off so I cherish these moments oh so much! I didn't do much this weekend though. Let me see Saturday I went to the supermarket and found these little packs of hash browns, surprisingly for a reasonable price, and just had to buy one. I had two this morning and they were just as good as the ones you get at the fast food joints! Yeah i know, they are not all that healthy, but I'll eat these only in moderation, and chances are they will last till month end. furthermore I'll be working out at the gym the entire week. Life is too short to deprive myself of the niceties! I also got a hair cut and once again look like a decent young man. On Sunday it was off to worship and then I spent the evening at Helshire and at my friends house where we chilled and chatted all evening. So in a nutshell it was a pretty decent, relaxing weekend.

School reopens today and that means the traffic will be back and raising it's ugly head along the streets of Kingston City! The bad thing is that I'll be working the day shift all week, so I'll suffer along with all the regular day working people. But the traffic will be even worse this morning as last night when I drove through Half Way Tree, I had to be dodging several poles that were protruding from the middle of the road as well as two gigantic holes in the middle of the intersection in Half Way Tree. That is certainly going to slow thing down in the morning traffic!

Folks, it's the first Monday morning of the month, so have a great week. How was your weekend? Good I hope?

Well, here is a little something I got in my email, found it funny. Note this is not PG.

Blind Man Test

A blind Jamaican man walks into a little restaurant and sits down.

The owner walks up to him and hands him a menu.

"Mi blind, sah, an caan se fe read de menu".

Jus bring mi one fork dat one ah yu customah use arreddy, an mi will smell it an order fram it"

A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the man's table and hands it to him.

The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes, dat's what mi will 'ave - rice nd peas wid jerk fish!"

Unbelievable, and after the blind man leaves, the owner walks towards the kitchen and tells his Wife Dawn, the cook, what just happened.

Several days later, the blind man returns, and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again.

"Sir, remembah mi? Mi ah de blind man."

"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a fork."

The owner gets a dirty fork for the blind man.

After another deep breath, the blind man says, "Dat smells great! Mi will take de jerk chicken an rice wid broccoli."

The owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and figures that the next time the man comes in, he's going to test him.

He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Dawn, rub this fork on your panties." Dawn does it and hands the fork to her husband.

As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.

"Good afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you, and I have your fork ready for you."

The blind man puts the fork to his nose, sniffs, and says, "Rass mon, mi neva know say Dawn wuk yah!"

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I Are Back!

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Yes people, as they say, "all good things must come to an end". And this is so true, as my good vacation has come to an end and I'm back on the Rock! A very wet one too at that! Oh yes, as I came back from my hiatus in the cold and snow in New York, I was greeted by the warm embrace of Olga, who "showered" me with love!

But even though I didn't mind the blessings from above I didn't have time to wrap up in under the sheets and sleep, as I had to hit the ground running! The very next day after my return
I had to jump out of bed and hauled my you know where to work. But that's not all, after those weeks of inactivity and gorging on the foreign delicacies and yumm pastry. I wasted no time getting my workout routine started again. Let me tell you, that first day was pure hell, I was literally struggling through routine. Hence, you can understand my absence from blogging.

My flight back on Air Jamaica was almost on time, only 15 minutes delayed, which is no biggy compared to the 6 hours delay I had to endure when I was heading to New York.We even still got to Jamaica on time! But Air Jamaica is not the sort of airline that would let you travel with them without giving you a reason to get upset and cuss! Oh no they just had to mess it up. I disembarked from the plane and was only help up a few seconds by a woman who tumbled down the steps from the aircraft and went through immigration rather quickly. Now dutty tinking Air Jamaica took an entire hour to get the suitcases on the carousel! Three other flights came in and sent out their cargo before I got my suitcases! Yes, slackness, dutty tinking Air Jamaica!

Anyway folks, my bed is calling, so enjoy your weekend, wet or dry! Here is a likkle something to start off your weekend.

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The Maid

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

The Maid asked for a raise:

The Madam was very upset about this and asked: 'Now Maria, why do you want an increase?'

Maria: Well Madam, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you.
Madam: 'Who said you iron better than me?'

Maria: 'The Master said so.'
Madam: 'Oh.'

Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.'
Madam: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than I?'

Maria: 'The Master did.'
Madam: 'Oh.'

Maria: 'My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.'
Madam (very upset now): 'Did the Master say so as well?'

Maria: 'No Madam, the gardener did.'

SHE GOT THE PAY RAISE..!

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This is Just Crazy!

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

This is one market I won't be going to at all!

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